Von Helsing

Well, boys and girls, I have a movie recommendation for you. DO NOT SEE Van Helsing. Well, maybe you could watch it and laugh yourself through it. It has wonderful scenery and fantastic sets. That's it. The plot is Van Helsing trying to slay the three monsters, Dracula, the Werewolf and Frankenstein's Monster. There was one scene, early in the film where we see an overview of Paris and the Eiffel Tower is only half completed. Now that was cool. There is lots of action, all of it totally unbelievable. How many times can a human body, male or female, bounce off of a stone wall and live? None. Much of the acting was over the top. The young monk builds neat weapons, like the ones Bond gets from MI-6. Later on Von Helsing makes deductions as shrewdly as Sherlock Holmes. Coaches, you know, the ones drawn by horses, don't usually explode into fireballs when they wreck. Aw, c'mon, Denton, fess up. When you saw where this was going, you just sat back and enjoyed it. Even the vampires, beautiful harpy ladies, had funny lines and terrible accents. Go ahead and watch it, if you haven't. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'd give it 1/2 a star.